Parenting contributor Lian Dolan imparts her hard-won wisdom.

Hi, my name is Lian and I’m a serial school volunteer. I can’t stop myself from signing my name when I see a blank space on a sheet of paper. If you are looking for a mom to run something, pick me, pick me. Look, I’m raising my hand! Book fairs, cookie-dough sales, auctions, historical recreations. (Yes, I have done square dance calling for the fourth-grade Pioneer Day despite the fact that I can’t differentiate a “do-si-do” from a “bow to your corner.”) I’ve been the Queen Bee in charge of events two years in the making, and I’ve been the Worker Bee, taking out the trash once the event is over. Here are my hard-earned tips for being a great school volunteer.

If You’re a Worker Bee
Do get involved. All the clichés about volunteer work are true — you meet great people, you connect with your community and you learn that giant pots of coffee take an hour to brew. Sign up for something, even if it’s only for a shift. We all have a skill to give back to the school.

Do the work. Sure, it’s delightful to chat with fellow moms you haven’t seen in a while, but if you are supposed to be staffing the face-painting booth, that means you’re supposed to be painting faces. Paint now, chat later. The chairperson has enough to oversee, she doesn’t want to have to keep prodding the volunteers to work.

Don’t second-guess. The decorations are lackluster and the food mediocre, but keep the criticisms to yourself. Chairing a school event is a thankless task, and everybody is a critic. Support Queen Bees with positive comments, not behind-the-scenes gossip.

If You’re the Queen Bee
Do it for the school, not your ego. Yes, it’s good of you to run the school auction, but you’re doing it to raise money for the school, not your social standing. The other volunteers are your friends and fellow parents, not your minions. The school and the kids come first. Respect the administration, teachers and traditions of the school.

Do delegate, and then let it go. I think the phrase is “control freak,” but that’s not supportive, is it? So I’ll just say that once you delegate a task, like centerpieces for the benefit, let the centerpiece mom do her job. Don’t double-check, triple-check or overrule her. Let the volunteers do what they volunteered to do. They want to be involved and respected.

Do make it fun. It’s a pizza lunch for the chess club, not the Middle East peace talks. Keep your perspective on the event.

Do follow up. Leave next year’s Queen Bee a notebook with all the lessons you’ve learned, helpful documents and lots of photos. And send thank-you notes to vendors, donors and outstanding volunteers. (They will remember and be touched.) Then take your Co-Queen Bee out for a pedicure, so the two of you can pamper your aching feet.

About the author: Lian Dolan is a writer, mother, Satellite Sister and creator of The Chaos Chronicles, a podcast, blog and website about modern motherhood.

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